I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
