Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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