OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
