Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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