booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
