my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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