I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
