Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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