Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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