Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
