Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
