dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
