just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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