Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
