I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
