why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
