I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
