i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
