i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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