i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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