She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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