Apparently you make a good broom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
