last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
