So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
