we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
