Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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