I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
