Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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