It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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