does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
