you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
