i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
