i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
