I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
