Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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