Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
