WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
