i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
