Screwed.edu
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i think i just lost a toe
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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