actually, I'm a sock model
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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