my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
