I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
