So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
