dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
