also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
