You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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