4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
