I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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