I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
PANTIES FOUND
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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