Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
