You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
