did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
