Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
