You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You made out with two different species that night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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