you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
