dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
