Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want her autograph on my taint
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
